Cert 15
88 mins
BBFC advice: Contains strong language, sex, sex references
I can scarcely believe this moment has arrived.
Two weeks ago I was 30 reviews behind and having to remember films I had watched three weeks previously.
But now I have left my full-time job and I can announce I am up to date. The last movie I watched was Max Adams' Precious Cargo. What a pity it should have been so utterly dismal.
This reminded me of the B-movies that can be seen on the non-subscription American TV channels.
The fact that Bruce Willis agreed to be in it shows just how far his star has fallen.
Its lead is Mark-Paul Gosselaar, better known to many of us as Zack Morris in Saved By The Bell, the teenage TV series to which my kids were glued when they were younger.
Sadly, Gosselaar has little spark as a high-end thief who is persuaded to organise a heist of diamonds which have already been targeted by another criminal (Willis).
Meanwhile, he is being exploited by a former girlfriend (Claire Forlani) who has got her eyes on the stash.
All of the above makes Precious Cargo sound like it has a cohesive plot with experienced actors giving it an edge.
None of this is true. It is as if its makers have stuck disparate scenes together and given the cast a list crime caper cliches which they deliver as if they were carved by Pinocchio's dad.
There are a number of scenes which make no sense but my favourite was one in which a loud-mouthed blonde bimbo suddenly becomes a dead-eye shooter without any explanation.
I shall waste no further words other than to report it is one of the turkeys of 2016 so far.
Reasons to watch: if you are a hardened Bruce Willis fan
Reasons to avoid: a boring hackneyed crime movie
Laughs: none
Jumps: none
Vomit: none
Nudity: none
Overall rating: 2/10
Star tweet
Mark-Paul Gosselaar HELL YEAH!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment